being realistic

I just went though one of the worst sickness I have every experienced. It was a roller coaster of fever temperatures; moving in small increments upward. I have never been bound to a couch or a bed unable to even check work email. I am slowly starting to feel better but not at all 100%, I would say I feel more like 60%.

What did I realize? Health is wealth. I heard that saying a few years back when I was an executive assistant at Cadence. An older man who was in a senior position doing research and development wrote me this in an email. It was simple and hence I always remembered it. The other point I remember about him was that he was from an older world where women who study math or science are considered an oddity and that fact that I was a professional working must mean something is wrong with (not married) or I was extremely young. Funny how that stuff exists.

I haven't ran this whole week due to being sick and I am not even missing it at this point due to feeling so fatigued. The Dailey Method I mentioned, was great while it lasted however extremely expensive. I try to be under my means for security so I stopped that completely. Why is it so hard to be consistent? haha! You know why? Because your mind thinks it requires work, if I can only shift my brain to think of it as vacation, life would be easier.. I will let you know how to do that when I figure it out.

I will be honest, I feel pretty down so here goes:
- I keep getting this awful realizations that I am too old for a career change. I had this realization that I might be stuck doing what I am doing for the rest of my life. I have this thought at odd times at night. I know its not true but I know it could happen.
- My boyfriend is tired of me being unhappy. You know what is lame? He is starting to see nothing interesting in me. Part of it is me not knowing what the hell I want to do.
- Sickness sucks. Antibiotics give me a stomach ache.
- I realized I have folded into a small casket. I do not do anything creative anymore, I am held in due to fear or fearing "I am too old"
- I need to change this!

To be continued.

what's new?

As of right now:

- I have ran 3 marathons. 

- I have a new job at Facebook. 

- Officially in my 30's and I feel it

- have completely changed my diet

- have attended ayahuasca ceremony

- buried my study of mathematics

- re opened my studies of nursing

I feel like there is a lot more to thinking about and mention however, these are the first items that come to mind. It's been a lot time since I have written in any other form other than email. Sad, disheartening, not sure. I am in hopes to revitalize something new with in me. I am on work vacation and I am already starting to get bored (its been two days). I sat here today thinking to myself how ridiculous I can be. No more.

As of now:

Workout

Started the daily method (http://www.thedaileymethod.com/)... goal? Goal is to get as I fit as I can. I started on Tuesday (April 12th). To be honest, I read about it and my first thought was how can this work? While waiting for my first class to begin, the class prior was just wrapping up. I could hear the class participants sighing and laughing out uncomfortableness. I thought "wow, this should be interesting".

I wont go too much into the details (you can yelp this or read several reviews online). The class uses yoga, pilates and core exercise. It is uses quick, small lifts utilizing all the hard to get areas. I was sore an hour after the class. 

My second day was great as well as my first. I am so sore right now. I would almost compare it to as sore as running a marathon. Hope this works. I will give it a month, 5 days a week. 

I am also running 5 days a week. During the week, I will only run 3 mile to 4 mile runs, treadmill. The weekend, I will run long on Sunday, 12 mile max, Saturday 6 miles. 

School

Math RIP. I love math but hey, let's be realistic. Once I would complete my degree, I am not really that interested in what I would be able to. I still study math but I decided to end that and pursue other interests. I was a bit depressed about it for awhile but I soon was able to let it go. 

I have registered for De Anza. I am to go this Friday to have a counselor review my official transcripts. I am prepared to hear the news that my credits from 96 will not be valid. That is OK. :) Nonetheless, maybe some of it will be credited. 

I have been studying medical terminology and anatomy. Fascinating. Completely infatuated with cardiology. Yeah, I am going back to pursue a BSN. :)